I've Never
by The Muses
Summary: Dear GOD! Back, from the land of never-update-land, is MAE NOELLE and CHAPTER FOUR of I'VE NEVER! ... I've Never - A game played in a circle, each stating something they have never done. Anyone who has done that thing takes a sip of coughcough.
1. The Party

~*~I've Never~*~  
  
By: Mae Noelle  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the good stuff; I daresay the plot is mine, but every where you go somebody copies someone. I got the idea though from a Gundam Wing fic I read three years ago. I swear, if there is another out there in the Harry Potter world, I was the first!  
  
A/N (authors note) I've never is a game where everyone gathers in a circle with a glass of any type of alcoholic beverage they might like, and in the middle is refills. Each person takes a turn, going in a continuous circle saying things that they have never done, and anyone who has done that thing, takes a drink. Of course, since this group *happens* to be a wizard group, this is going to be more fun. Also I take advantage of the fact where Dumbledore has an idea for everything. *Stifles laugh* My ideas.  
  
BE WARNED! I wrote this story AGES ago, and it's slightly OOC and crazy. Have fun.  
  
Chapter one: The Party  
  
~*~  
  
"Do you think we should have invited Snape?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"But I hate him,"  
  
"All the better, dear. All the better."  
  
Silence.  
  
"I guess that is why you invited Draco?" She looks up. A mischievous grin floated across the mans face. A short, fiery woman folded the last of the invitations and smiled up.  
  
"Done! Shall we go send them out now?" She handed a pile of cream, raspberry smelling cards to a tall, dark and handsome stranger. (Stranger to you, anyways)  
  
"If you would like. We should go get some of the supplies anyways, I hate doing everything at the last minute." Together the pair walked out the door.  
  
*The scene then turns to the pair, walking away into the orange and red painted sunset. Then turns to a cream card that had fallen open onto the ground*  
  
Inside it said:  
  
You are invited!  
  
December 23, 6:00 pm  
Please, we hope you can make it to our fifth anniversary! Nothing is a better then friend all around you on our special day. (Of course, we like  
bath soaps, decorative candles, (a word scribbled out so it can not be  
seen) and Quidditch items. We hope to see you there!  
Fun things to do:  
I've Never  
Yours Truly,  
Harry and Ginny Potter  
  
~*~  
  
Ginny looks at the clock. Again. 4:28. She sighs. "WILL this time go any faster?"  
  
"Not when you stare at it every thirty seconds. Will you come over here and help me? This, thing, is not working."  
  
They spent the next hour and 24 minutes preparing everything. A stack of chairs sat in an unused corner, hidden from view. Finally, someone came to the door.  
  
DING. DONG. DING-A-LING-A-LING.  
  
"I'll get it!" Ginny ran, an excitement surrounding the air around here. "Hermione! How nice to see you! Come in!"  
  
"Oh! You look very nice, you know. I couldn't find anything good to throw on, so I just dragged myself over here in some muggle clothes." Ginny glanced down. She giggled. 'This is definitely going to make this more interesting,' she thought.  
  
"Come on! Harry!" She called back to her husband. "Hermione's here! I think we can tell her about the game before anyone is here. She deserves to know," She added the last parts in a whisper towards Harry.  
  
Harry tried to pull a serious look. "Hermione, we are going to have this one game, it has to do with alcohol, and, uum, drinking it," and He tried to keep in his laughter. "I just thought we would tell you. We aren't going to tell anyone else. Also, here's a list of whom all is coming," He shoved a short bit of parchment into her hands.  
  
"Hmm, Me, Ron, Neville, Seamus, George, Fred, Cho," Hermione shot Harry a curious glance "Professors Dumbledore, Snape, and Lupin, Sirius, and- what? Why the hell is Malfoy coming?" Harry started to laugh.  
  
"Well, as I told you, this game we are playing, it has to do with alcohol, and um, lying, and telling the truth, and getting drunk." He looked up and Hermione and Ginny, who both didn't know exactly what was going on. "Oh, Dumbledore will explain it all later."  
  
DING. DONG. DING-A-LING-A-LING.  
  
"Oh, let me get it!" Ginny ran off again, pulling in Ron and Seamus a few seconds later. Both looked up at Hermione, then looked down, turning a bit red.  
  
~*~  
  
"Alright, everyone's here. That is, except for Snape," Harry snorted. "And I seriously doubted he was even going to look at the invitation, let alone open it." Suddenly the door rang.  
  
"God, I knew that would work! He lives to prove me wrong, you see." Ginny ran to the door, pulling in a reluctant looking Snape. He looked confused for a moment, looking out into the living room where everyone was sitting in an assortment of chairs and beanbag chairs. It quickly dissolved into resentment, and he was about to let out a snide remark when he was shoved into a chair.  
  
Dumbledore stood up, and looked out into the many faces. "I shall get the drinks, right, Harry?" He and Harry exchanged looks that clearly told everyone that these weren't normal drinks.  
  
Dumbledore came back, passing cute little margarita glasses to each of the guests. Draco looked up, but shut his mouth, thinking better of the question he was going to ask. Each glass was filled with barely a gulp of warm, reddish liquid. Harry brought many different bottles to the middle of the circle of people, grinning slightly towards Ginny.  
  
"Alright, everybody take a gulp of this delicious drink," Dumbledore motioned his hand towards his glass. "While I tell you of what we will be doing. This is quite a fun game. Oh yes, very interesting. We shall go around in a circle, each saying something that we have never done. Anyone who has done the thing the one spoke of must take a sip of his or her drink. If anyone drinks to your 'I've Never' you pick one of the people who did, and ask them either who, what, where, when, why, or how. After they answer the question, we move on around the circle. Any questions?"  
  
No one had any, so Dumbledore went on. "Alright then. If you agree to this game, and playing along with it, raise your empty glasses." Everyone's glasses were already empty, for the drink had tasted quite good. Only Hermione was left, reluctantly lifting the glass to her lips and emptying it. Dumbledore once again looked around, smiling. "Well. Now I guess I shall tell you what you just drank."  
  
Draco smacked his forehead, Snape cursed, and Hermione coughed. Ginny glared at Harry, who was looking a little impish.  
  
"This is a potion, which makes the drinker unable to lie, cover up, or tell part truth."  
  
Draco started to smirk, thinking of some loophole. Dumbledore saw this, and decided he would leave the rest for everyone else to find out.  
  
"Damn," George banged down his glass. "Why hadn't we thought of that?'  
  
"Wait, Albus, I know this potion, it is supposed to last for-" Sirius looked at Dumbledore, alarmed.  
  
"Oh, Shut up. There was only enough in the glasses to last for at most until tomorrow." Snape sent a sneer at Sirius.  
  
"And, since he asked me for the ingredients earlier but not liver worm that means the potion would be unable to last for a lifetime."  
  
"Wow, Snape. You are almost half as smart as they say you are. Well done," Sirius smirked.  
  
"So shall we begin?" Harry spoke, wishing he could watch the fight longer. After about ten minutes arguing who would go first and which way they should go, they decided with going clock wise, starting with Ginny, ending up with the order going Ginny, Hermione, Draco, George, Fred, Neville, Seamus, Cho, Harry, Ron, Snape, Lupin, Sirius, and then Dumbledore.  
  
"All right." Ginny spoke quietly, drawing the attention from the whole room. She thought hard, thinking of something good, but something she hadn't done. She couldn't think of anything embarrassing that moment, so she thought of something that would get them all to drink. "Okay. I have never kissed - on the lips - with more then two people." Almost everyone looked at her in surprise. Everyone took a drink of their newly filled glass. Hermione looked over to Ginny. 'If it was not for the fact we can't lie, I wouldn't believe her,' Harry was looking at Ginny, contemplating who had been her other.  
  
"Aren't you going to ask one of the people who drank a question?" Harry looked up at Ginny. He coughed, a cough which sounded suspiciously like Sirius.  
  
"All right. Cho?" 'Who, what, where, when, or why? Which do I want to know?' She shuddered. She really didn't want to know who it was, she was too afraid it would be something she would regret asking. "Where? Details, details,"  
  
Cho looked up uncomfortably. 'Is it just me, or is she looking at Harry? Its just me.' She turned to look at Harry. 'At least, it had better be. For her sake.'  
  
"Alright, It was in the library. Yes, the Hogwarts library." Hermione looked at Cho. She suddenly smiled. 'Oooooo, I gots an idea!'  
  
Hermione looked up maliciously. "I've never," She thought slowly, thinking of how to say this. All eyes turned to her. Harry seemed to be the only one that had an idea what that look meant. "I've never... had sex," Sirius snorted into the drink he had been sneaking between turns. Draco looked down at his drink, hoping no one saw his sad/mad expression. All eyes slowly followed another's to the shaking form of Snape, staring, not knowing that all the Professors had just slowly taken a drink. Snape was shaking. Sirius sighed and took another sip.  
  
'What in the bloody hell?' Snape looked at his arm. It was shaking. It was forcing its way up, too. He tried to push it back down, but suddenly -  
  
"Uuuhhg!" Snape cried out as his drink was flung in his face. He coughed and sputtered, wiping his eyes with his robe. Dumbledore looked quite amused.  
  
"Oh." Dumbledore reached into the middle of the circle, grabbing a bottle of rum, pouring himself and Sirius another glass. "Looks like I forgot to mention something. This potion also makes it so that you can't not drink when you have done someone's "I've Never". You see, if you try to lie, it will not go unnoticed," He smiled at Snape, who was red in the face, shaking.  
  
"But... but... the potion, it doesn't do-"  
  
"Ah, but Severus, this is not exactly the same one. I altered it a bit." There was a loud crash.  
  
"Sirius?" Harry looked over to the lump on the ground that was Sirius. "What's wrong with you?" He was shaking, shaking uncontrollably. He lifted his hand slowly to grip the back of his chair, tears of mirth streaming down his face.  
  
Draco tore his gaze from the ground, smirking. "So, Dumbledore, you are trying to say that Snape was trying to hide the fact that he's had-"  
  
There was another crash; Sirius fell of the chair again. This time though, he grabbed Lupin's arm pulling him smashing him into Snape. Lupin looked up to apologize, but immediately tore his eyes off him.  
  
"I'll never be able to look you in the face again, Severus," He managed to get out.  
  
"Enough, I get to ask my question!" Hermione looked around the room, speculating which person she would like to torment most. "So Malfoy?" She swiveled in her beanbag, turning to him.  
  
He choked down his stolen sip of margarita. "What?" He hoped he sounded cruel, rude, and indifferent.  
  
"Which would you like me to ask? Who? What? Where? When? Why?" Snape let out a cruel laugh.  
  
"I must admit, this is actually an amusing game," Snape took another gulp of his drink emptying it. "Damn," he muttered, reaching down to an empty bottle of brandy at his feet.  
  
~*~ End ~*~  
  
Be reminded this is for crazy entertainment only.  
  
Please R&R! I would really appreciate it! I am working on the next chapter already, ooooohoho. This is so fun, I can't stop. I just hope that someone out there enjoys it as much as me, because laughing at my own jokes gets boring after a while. 


	2. Questions

~*~I've Never~*~  
  
By: Mae Noelle  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the good stuff; I daresay the plot is mine, but every where you go somebody copies someone. I got the idea though from a Gundam Wing fic I read three years ago. I swear, if there is another out there in the Harry Potter world, I was the first!  
  
A/N (authors note) I am guessing that I don't need to tell you what I've Never is, because you most likely read chapter 1 before 2, and the explanation is written there.  
  
Also, the order around the circle goes like this: Ginny, Hermione, Draco, George, Fred, Neville, Seamus, Cho, Harry, Ron, Snape, Lupin, Sirius, and then Dumbledore. This bit of info is mainly for me, btw.  
  
READ THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE CONFUSED!! Okay, since it was so confusing having peoples thoughts all over the place, every time you see this:  
  
~*~  
  
It means that the point of view has changed. I have complete and utter faith in you to be able to figure out who that person is. Now, go read.  
  
Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, My computer crashed, literally, as I was saving this. So I had nothing. I got depressed.  
  
Chapter two: Questions  
  
~*~  
  
"I must admit, this is actually an amusing game," Snape took another gulp of his drink emptying it. "Damn," he muttered, reaching down to an empty bottle of brandy at his feet.  
  
~*~  
  
"Alright! Malfoy! I think I want who." Hermione let a cruel smirk crawl over her face.  
  
Malfoy looked up. Crap.  
  
"I -"  
  
"Let me guess, Pansy, right?" She shivered. "Uhhhg," Ron, on the other side, spit out his wine and started gagging.  
  
"Maybe he shouldn't answer, Hermione," Ron shivered again.  
  
Yes, please, listen to him, listen to him-  
  
"Answer!"  
  
Draco sighed. This is not going to be fun.  
  
"Alright! I haven't ever had it before! Are you happy?!" Draco picked up his glass.  
  
"Liar!" Hermione, her mouth open.  
  
Snape looked up, an odd, un-Snape like twinkle in his eye.  
  
"He cannot lie! The potion wouldn't allow it, he wouldn't be able to do it," Snape's twinkle in his eyes were getting bigger and bigger...  
  
"No! Damn, that means I will have to ask someone else my question, then," Hermione sighed loudly.  
  
Snapes twinkles vanished immediately. Everyone turned to face him. Again. Hermione grinned.  
  
"You wouldn't," Snape breathed.  
  
At least they aren't focusing on me. Hah!  
  
~*~  
  
Snape looked up. No, this cannot happen!  
  
"Since you were trying so hard to lie, I am guessing that your information will be valuable." Hermione grinned again. That grin would be enough to admit her into the Slytherin common room, he thought suddenly.  
  
Sirius' grin was so big he was endanger of it taking over his face. Remus was shaking silently.  
  
"Well, do I have to list all of them?" Snape sighed.  
  
Harry's eye was twitching. "That's not right. Snape? They would have to be mental,"  
  
"Or under one of his potions."  
  
Dumbledore got up.  
  
"I have a feeling that I am not needed here anymore. I am sure you all understand the rules, and I must be going," He turned to Harry and Ginny. "My best wishes to you. Have a wonderful evening!" Dumbledore started to make for the door, but then disappeared with a pop.  
  
"He left! Just left us!" Ginny slumped down in her chair. "One person down, I guess. Get on with the answer, Snape,"  
  
"Yes, but, only list the people we know." Hermione turned toward Snape, grinning evilly again.  
  
"Bertha, Minerva, Sicily, Lily-" Harry gagged.  
  
"This, 'Lily' wouldn't happen to be my mum, now would it?" Everyone raised their eyebrows. Harry's were in danger of disappearing into his hair.  
  
"Er-"  
  
"My turn!" Malfoy jumped up and ran into the middle of the circle, dragging back three bottles. "Hehe,"  
  
~*~  
  
He had the best, most wonderful idea.  
  
"Alright. I've never-" He coughed. "I've never-" He coughed again. "I've ne- ne- nev- never-"  
  
"He's trying to lie," Harry grinned. "Now I need to know what he's saying!"  
  
Crap! Now what can I say? I know, something Muggles do...  
  
"I've never flown in an airplane." Ginny, Hermione, and Harry took a sip. They all exchanged funny looks.  
  
"Well that was just the best "I've Never" in the world, wasn't it?" Ron snorted.  
  
"Well at least I know what I am going to ask!" George rubbed his hands together. Fred suddenly looked up. "No! Let me do it, please!"  
  
~*~  
  
George looked at his empty glass. Now, how to figure out what Malfoy had said? This was going to be hard. Then, as if a magical light were swirling down upon him, it came to him. Perfect.  
  
"Okay! I've never tried to lie during this I've Never game." Ron gave him a thumbs up.  
  
"Beautiful George! Couldn't have said it better myself." Seamus smiled wickedly, turning to Malfoy, who had just taken a sip. Across the circle Snape sighed. And took a sip.  
  
George put his hand on his chin, stroking an invisible beard. "I wonder who I shall ask."  
  
Everyone pointed to Malfoy simultaneously, except for Malfoy himself, who had pointed to Snape.  
  
"Alright! Malfoy. What. What were you going to say?"  
  
"Why don't you do the unpredictable thing and pick him?"  
  
"Just say it!" Shouted everyone in the room.  
  
Malfoy sighed. "I'venevehadneseualfantaiesboutanygryffndors."  
  
Hermione pulled her wand out of one of her pockets. "Say that again?" She muttered something that sounded like 'recordo'.  
  
Malfoy sighed yet again. "I'venevehadneseualfantaiesboutanygryffndors."  
  
"Yes! Ginny, come here. I need your help." Ginny pulled out her wand.  
  
"Could you say 'clearous' when I do this-" She muttered 'resume' and flicked her wand. Suddenly, Malfoys voice came out and repeated what he'd just said.  
  
"Do I really sound that annoying?" Malfoy blurted out.  
  
"Alright? On the count of three... one... two...  
  
"Resume!"  
  
"Clearous!"  
  
The long word that came out of Hermione's wand became more clearer, like this:  
  
"I'venever had any sexual fantasies about any Gryffindors." Malfoy paled.  
  
"That is NOT what I said!"  
  
"Wonder which one it should-" Ron began, but seeing another good 'I've Never' on the horizon he quickly shut his mouth, hoping that he could use that one.  
  
Fred stood. "Looks like I get to go! So, what should my I've Never be?"  
  
"Has anyone realized that I have taken a drink at every single one now?" Snape shook his head.  
  
"And about thirty in between," Harry muttered to Ron.  
  
George suddenly had another brilliant idea. Someone up there liked him.  
  
He turned to Fred and said: "We all have to try and say something that will get Snape to drink! Pass this message to everyone, but make sure to stop when you get to Snape!" He then turned to Malfoy, and hesitantly, told him the message too. The bad thing about ganging up on people is that you have to work with people you hate. Despise. Looooath.  
  
Fred still stood there, puzzling over his I've Never.  
  
~*~  
  
Tell me what you want the I've Nevers to be! I need ideas! Also, tell me what you think! I need motivation. I got pretty depressed when my computer deleted this chapter the first time, and then, I somehow deleted my other fic and had to re-post it all over again.  
  
Thanks to my reviewers! I LUV you! (Now, please use that information responsibly... and don't eat Mike and Ikes and drink Pepsi while reading this story!) 


	3. Flying Popcorn

~*~I've Never~*~

By: Mae Noelle

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the good stuff; I daresay the plot is mine, but every where you go somebody copies someone. I got the _idea_ though from a Gundam Wing fic I read three years ago. I swear, if there is another out there in the Harry Potter world, I was the first!

A/N (authors note) I am guessing that I don't need to tell you what I've Never is, because you most likely read chapter 1 before 2, and the explanation is written there.

Also, the order around the circle goes like this: Ginny, Hermione, Draco, George, Fred, Neville, Seamus, Cho, Harry, Ron, Snape, Lupin, Sirius, and then Dumbledore. This bit of info is mainly for me, btw.

**READ THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE CONFUSED!! **Alright, since I am so confusing, there will be no point of views. It is a versatile thing. Now, go read.

Wow!! Two chapters in two days! That has to be a record! (For me)

**Chapter three: Flying Popcorn**

~*~

Fred still stood there, puzzling over his I've Never.

~*~

Fred looked over to Hermione and Ginny. Screw the get-Snape-every-time thing, he had a great idea. And he would be able to use his secret information.

"We have to call a rule that we can NOT sneak drinks at all, and can only drink when they have done that I've Never. And can only drink once." Ginny looked into the middle of the circle. "Besides, we are running out of drinks. Who ever takes the last drink has to go out and get more."

Everyone but their drinks down.

"Okay, I have thought of one." He looked over at Hermione. "Get your glasses ready." Hermione's eyes widened.

"I've never peeked on Harry in the shower." Fred grinned.

Harry scowled. "Nice to know, Fred. I had been worried." Harry quickly glanced around, checking to see who would drink.

Ginny. That was understandable. She _is _his wife.

Hermione. Well, that is understandable too- to a point. They _had _been best friends for a while now.

Then- Ron? 

Some popcorn flew across the quiet room.

"I am not going to even ask, Ron." Fred turned to Hermione. "So?"

Hermione glanced around, a bit red. "Me?" She squeaked.

"Yes, _you_. Now, when was it?" Seeing that there might be unwanted confrontations, he added, "Er, the first time." Hermione reddened even more.

"Spare me," Malfoy muttered, going to take a sip out of his glass. He glanced at the shrinking number of bottles in the middle and hesitantly lowered it.

"Er," Hermione began. "Well, I was going up to Harry's dormitory to ask him if I could borrow," She glanced at Harry. "something, and-"

"I didn't _ask _for the story,"

"Well your getting it for free, aren't you!" She snapped. "Anyways, he wasn't exactly in there, so I took it, and I heard noises-"

"When? _When _was this?"

"I'm getting there!" She hissed. "It was in our sixth year-" She reddened again. Malfoy also looked down at the ground hesitantly. "Right after Christmas."

"I think I want to skip my turn-" Neville shuddered. "Really-"

"Now Neville! You can't do that. It doesn't have to be that good- just as long as you get a bunch of people to drink. Or, something really good, but only gets one person." Seamus grinned.

"Er... fine. I guess." Neville sucked in some air. "I got one!"

"Bravo. Get on with it now." Snape looked down longingly at his glass.

"I've never been fond of one of the Professors," 

The whole circle went quiet.

The professors all gasped and started looking around, horrified.

Hermione, Ginny, Cho, Ron, Harry, George, Fred, Lupin, Sirius, Seamus, and then reluctantly Snape, took a sip.

Seamus grinned. "Now that's the kind of thing I was talking about, Neville!" 

Harry coughed a cough that sounded suspiciously like 'Snape' as he pointed to the greasy teacher.

Neville grinned. "So, Snape." Anyone could tell there was a very confident tone to his voice that had never, ever been there before. "Who?" The whole room went silent. This was big. 

"Please Minerva, please Minerva," Chorused Fred and George.

"Please not Minerva, please not Minerva," chorused Ron and Harry. They had placed bets, if you can't see.

"Please kill me!" Snape cried. He tried to grab his wand, but fortunately Lupin grabbed it.

"Sorry, as much as I would love to take that offer, I would rather hear what you have to say."

There was a sudden Who-Wants-To-Be-A-Millionaire-Atmosphere as the room turned to Snape. Even the flying popcorn ceased. No one drank. Of course the girls all knew, but they had never told anyone. It was that kind of thing.

"Give me back my wand!" Snape screeched. He leapt at Lupin, who was still clutching two wands in his hand. "Give it to me now!"

"I'm sorry, but suicide is a crime punishable by death."

"I'll only to use it on anyone who laughs at me, not _on _me, you bloody idiot!"

Lupin contemplated this. "Alright." He handed back his wand.

"Alright." Snape echoed. "But if ANY one dares to mock me, I shall make sure that EACH and EVERY one of you regrets it." He breathed in. "Joanna Airee."

"No!" Gasped Hermione, a hint of laughter in her voice. "Not the DADA Professor that came in my fifth year!"

"Who would have guessed?" Ginny gasped also. Hermione and her exchanged looks.

"Hey!" Said Seamus suddenly, "I liked her too!"

Ron nodded his head, along with Harry. "Me too,"

"Us too!" Said George and Fred, clinking their glasses together.

"Really? Well isn't that interesting." Lupin gulped.

"We did too," Added Sirius, looking down at his drink.

"Speak for yourse-" Lupin started to cough on his words. "Alright," He finally coughed out. "Me too."

"I had never liked her," Draco stirred his drink. "Am I the only o-"

"Hey, was that an I've Never statement?" Shouted George over the noise.

"It wasn't his turn, idiot," Ron shouted.

"Wait- You two knew? About Snape?" Harry's breathing staggered as he turned toward Ginny and Hermione suddenly.

"AND YOU DIDN'T FEEL LIKE TELLING US?" Ron was breathing like a mad man.

"Well, when we saw Snape threatened to kill us," Hermione glared at the two boys.

"You mean you saw it too?" Ron moaned.

"We weren't the only two who knew," Ginny muttered. Malfoy and Cho found something interesting on the walls beside them, with some popcorn filling the air behind them.

"That was the day that I needed your invisibility cloak and saw you in the shower," 

Harry glanced at Cho and Malfoy. "Did they find out at the same time as you?"   
  
Whatever he expected the answer to be, it wasn't what he got.

The three girls started to giggle madly. Ginny's shoulders were shaking violently. Malfoy looked down at the ground, red in the face.

"I think that has got to be at least three good I've Nevers right there," Fred threw a piece of popcorn into the air, then rubbed his hands together. "I know four good ones now that nobody else does."

"Five," Corrected Ron.

"Six," Sirius grinned.

"Well? Who's lucky turn is it now?" Everyone turned around the circle, looking.

"Oh! It's mine." Seamus grinned. "Which question to choose?" He sat there.

"Okay!" He laughed evilly. "I have never said that I have never had any sexual fantasies about Gryffindors during an I've Never game." Everyone turned to Malfoy, who was now smacking his forehead repeatedly. "Now tell us who it was."

After about fifteen seconds of this Sirius suddenly shouted- "Will you stop? Get over it and say who it was!"

"Fine." He drew up his head in a dignified manor. "Hermione." Hermione gasped.

"Shut up!" 

It was quiet. Too quiet. Too, too quiet-

"No!" Said Ginny, just for the effect it had.

"No!" Echoed Ron.

"What, she's not that bad looking," Said Malfoy, gesturing his hand toward Hermione. "Especially in that muggle clothing." Hermione blushed and pulled down her shirt.

"Well- l-l-le-lets get on with it, n-now shall we?" Snape turned toward Cho. He was obviously fighting some inner desire inside.

"Okay. I've got one- I've never thought of Draco naked."

"Really?" Malfoy turned to Cho. "Are you sure?" Cho rolled her eyes.

"Damn," Hermione quickly took a sip and slammed down her glass. "Did you have to say that one?"

Cho smiled innocently. "Of course. Now, since you seem to be the _only _one, I get to ask you a question." Harry and Ron's mouths' opened, if possible, even wider.

"I need to leave." Ron made to get up.

"I'm not going to ask something like, 'what happened in this little fantasy' if it will make you feel any better. I don't think I would be able to take it either." She grinned evilly again.

"Hear hear!" Cried Ginny. "But nothing stupid like 'were it happened' or 'when it happened'. Oh- how about why she decided to think about it?!"

Cho grinned evilly. "Yes! I like that one. Do explain!"

"I need to leave," Repeated Ron, making to get up. Harry, without removing his eyes or closing his mouth, stuck out his hand to block him from leaving.

"Sit. Down." Harry's eyes widened. "Wait - I think I do want to know when this happened!"

"Pick and choose, boy! Just shut up and listen!" Snape turned back to Hermione, his eyes glittering maliciously.

"Alright, alright."

"Looks like your secrets out, Herm." Malfoy grinned.

Hermione jerked her arm, and sent her drink flying all over his face. He sputtered.

"You call this wine? It is more like apple juice," He wiped his eyes on his robe. He put a finger in his mouth. "Doesn't even have a kick."

"DO. YOU. WANT. ME. TO. TALK. OR. NOT?" She poured more wine in her glass. She inhaled.

"Well, I think around our fifth year, before we all went down to Snapes office-" She motioned to Ginny, Cho, and Malfoy. "And we were wandering around, and you were making those damn jokes about me-" She glared at Malfoy. "And kept saying-"

"You know what? I think we can skip that part!" Malfoy nodded smiling what he hoped was a sweet smile, catching a stray piece of popcorn out of the air.

"Yah! Don't ruin three good I've Nevers in one explanation, Hermione!" Ron blurted. 

"So thats what made you think that way about-" Harry shuddered. "Him?"

"Well, you would have to know what he said first."

"Well, lets get on with this! It is my turn, and I need some time to think of a question that would position me to finding out what happened in Snapes office that had to do with Professor Airee and him threatening to kill you four."

Harry grinned.

~*~

**Tell me what you want the I've Nevers to be! **I need ideas! Also, tell me what you think! I need motivation. I got pretty depressed when my computer deleted this chapter the first time, and then, I somehow deleted my other fic and had to re-post it all over again.

Sorry it was kindof short! I still need ideas, so keep em coming! Also, thanks a bunch to my reviewers!


	4. Bumblebees

~*~I've Never~*~  
  
By: Mae Noelle  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the good stuff; I daresay the plot is mine, but every where you go somebody copies someone. I got the idea though from a Gundam Wing fic I read three years ago. I swear, if there is another out there in the Harry Potter world, I was the first!  
  
Also, the order around the circle goes like this: Ginny, Hermione, Draco, George, Fred, Neville, Seamus, Cho, Harry, Ron, Snape, Lupin, and then Sirius.  
  
Erm, sorry, I don't really have an excuse as to why I forgot this fic. I have not forgotten this fic! I have not forgotten this fic! Unfortunately for me, there already was a chapter four, and it was accidentally deleted while I was transferring my fics to my new account. so I had to try and re- write this with all the information that it had and all that crap, and I couldn't remember any of it.  
  
Thank you, for pointing this out: the original Gundam Wing ficlet that I gathered this idea from is by Jaelle and Orla. Yes, it has more sex in it, but sex isn't everything. Nope, it isn't. Nope. Well, if it is to you, then you've got issues.  
  
If this chapter isn't as great as I advertised it to be, well, then, screw it. :P (it should be good though, I've had a good solid year or so to work on it)  
  
RATED for sex jokes, erm - slashy-ness, innuendo's, blah blah blah. you know the drill.  
  
Chapter four: Bumblebees  
  
~*~  
  
"Well, lets get on with this! It is my turn, and I need some time to think of a question that would position me to finding out what happened in Snapes office that had to do with Professor Airee and him threatening to kill you four." Harry grinned.  
  
~*~  
  
Harry filled his glass again, and was about to take a sip when he remembered that they weren't supposed to do that.  
  
"Well," He said slowly. "There's the ever obvious, 'I've never caught Snape doing anything in his office while under an invisibility cloak,'"  
  
Snape's eyes widened.  
  
"But, I won't use that one. yet." Harry grinned evilly. He wanted to dig up some real dirt tonight. the chance may never come again. "I've Never," He said dramatically, "Woken up in the morning with a farm animal."  
  
Neville choked on air suddenly, and forced a sip of his drink down his throat.  
  
Harry's grin fell.  
  
"Neville, I am not even going to ask."  
  
"No, it's actually not what you think -"  
  
"Oh," Ginny said, rolling her eyes. "I didn't know there was another way to take that,"  
  
"Oh Well!" Ron said, clapping his hands together and inching forward on his seat. "Harry's passed, it's my turn." He looked around him, still rubbing his hands together, and said in one breath, "I've Never dressed up in the opposite sex's clothes and gone out and flirted!"  
  
"Well, I should hope not!" Snape muttered, hurriedly taking a sip.  
  
Mostly everyone else, however, was staring at Lupin, who was looking red in the face, his glass empty.  
  
"Professor?" Ron said incredulously, once again loosing the contents of his cup.  
  
"It was a dare," Lupin said quickly, before anyone could ask.  
  
"Oh, yes," Sirius said suddenly, nodding his head and downing his glass. "I remember that one. we got you good, then, didn't we?"  
  
"Who did you flirt with?" Ron said, still looking hazed.  
  
"I didn't flirt," Lupin said in a hurry, grabbing another bottle of wine. "It was just other horny men, trying to find a woman, they found me, and hassled me, until I popped one of my fake breasts. then they scattered."  
  
"Is that what you did to it?" Sirius said loudly. "James and me put all that charm work into your chest, and you go and pop it?"  
  
"Yes, yes, but who were the people you flirted with?" Ron said loudly, trying to be heard over Sirius nagging Lupin.  
  
"Erm," Lupin looked as though it were hard to think, and raised his glass to take a sip, looked at it, remembered they weren't supposed to do that, and lowered it down quite a few times, before continuing, "I don't really remember - there was this one tall bloke, smarmy fellow, he seemed - slick blonde hair, pointy chin -"  
  
"Silver eyes?" Malfoy said loudly.  
  
"Yes," Lupin said, nodding, raising his glass again.  
  
"Black suit, with a snake and wand emblem on it?"  
  
"Could've been, yeah," Lupin said.  
  
"Wait a minute -" Malfoy said, looking alarmed.  
  
"My turn," Snape said quietly. His gaze was unfocused, and he was swaying slightly on his chair. A few people exchanged glances with eyebrows raised. "I've never used a classroom for inappropriate purposes,"  
  
Everyone but him raised their glasses to their lips, looking at Snape with their eyebrows lifted.  
  
"Wait a minute," Ron said loudly to Harry, probably thinking he was whispering it. "That can't be right - what about that thing he was doing with the professor-"  
  
"That," Snape said with a sneer. "Was done in my office."  
  
"Oh, of course." Ron said, nodding. "There's just something about pickled things in jars that casts a romantic glow, eh?"  
  
"Well, my turn, then!" Lupin said, looking distinctly happy.  
  
"Wait a bloody minute," Snape said, turning to Lupin. "I haven't had my question yet-"  
  
"Well, too late, isn't it?"  
  
"No it bloody well is not!" Snape yelled, grabbing another bottle of wine. "And what exactly did you do that was so unapropriate in a classroom, Potter?" He snapped, turning swiftly to Harry.  
  
Harry, who had been chatting silently with Ginny, snapped his head around.  
  
"Um, should I just tell you any time, because most of them were with Ginny, here-"  
  
"No!" Snape said quickly. "How about anything. inhuman?"  
  
'Inhuman?' Harry mouthed, and then suddenly blanched. "Well, there was this one time, I was caught in the Potions room, and Moaning Mrytle came zooming out the wash sink, and. erm... well." Harry coughed.  
  
"The ghost in the girls toilet?" Ginny said. "The ghost in the girls toilet?"  
  
"Er, yes."  
  
Ron raised an eyebrow.  
  
"A line I haven't yet passed," Snape said proudly.  
  
Lupin looked around for a few seconds, and then blurted out, "I have never danced around the common room in a way too small bumble-bee outfit." Everyone turned to him.  
  
Lupin held back a smile. Sirius frowned, taking a small, feverish drink. (hoping that no one would notice, and most likely no one did)  
  
"That was a bit off the wall, wasn't it?" said George, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Ah, well," Lupin said, "Good enough for me. Who's next?"  
  
"I am," Sirius said, throwing Lupin a dirty look. "And I've never watched muggle preschooler cartoons,"  
  
Lupin now shot Sirius a dirty look at Sirius, and took a sip of his glass, along with Seamus, Hermione, Harry, and Draco. "If this has to do with my 'Spongbob Squarepants' video collection, Sirius, those aren't preschooler cartoons."  
  
Sirius did a double take as Draco took his sip.  
  
"Well, I was going to use my question on Remus, but." Sirius grinned. "What was the preschooler show you watched, Malfoy?"  
  
Malfoy paled. "Erm, all of them?" He said in a small, feeble voice.  
  
After a lot of people gave him odd looks, he said loudly, "I had a lonely, abused childhood! I was shut in a room with a wand and muggle videos, damnit!"  
  
"Just name one of them, then," Sirius said, and he, Hermione, and Harry leaned forward in their seats.  
  
"Erm. Skidamarink TV," He said slowly.  
  
"Skiddamarinky dinky dink!" Harry suddenly shouted.  
  
"Skidamarinky doo!" Hermione called out.  
  
"I! Love! You!" Hermione, Seamus, Harry and Draco chorused.  
  
They then began to laugh madly as the others inched away, looking frightened.  
  
"Well, back to me, then, is it?" Ginny said, her eyes continually glancing at Harry, who was removing his glasses to wipe tears from his eyes.  
  
"Good times, good times," Harry said, reaching for the wine bottle nearest him, as his glass had magically gone empty.  
  
"Well," Ginny started, eyeing Harry. "I've never. um. I've never 'done anything' for money."  
  
"Damn, Weasley - I mean, Potter - what have you done?" Malfoy said, taking a sip.  
  
"None of your business!" Ginny said huffily.  
  
"Oh! Oh!" cried Ron and Harry in cosmic unison. "Pick Snape! Pick Snape!"  
  
Snape was taking a sip, looking around furtively. And so was Remus, and Sirius, and Hermione-  
  
"Um!" Ginny said, bouncing in her seat. "I pick Remus!"  
  
Sirius choked on his drink.  
  
"Who was it that you've done for money?"  
  
"That wasn't the question!" Lupin cried, apparently outraged. "You said, 'I've never done anything for money', not 'I've never done anybody for money'."  
  
Ginny looked a bit downcast.  
  
"Alright then, what have you done for money?"  
  
"I've polished badges for money,"  
  
"Oops, I meant, what's the most immoral thing you've done for money?"  
  
Lupin coughed. Sirius suddenly looked alarmed.  
  
"Well, I've given, erm, p& b-js,"  
  
"Peanut Butter and Jelly?" Neville said stupidly.  
  
"Idiot boy!" Snape cried for no apparent reason.  
  
"No." Sirius said, looking uncomfortable. "P and Bj's. You know, Bjs, BJ's?"  
  
"A blow-job?" Harry said loudly.  
  
"What's a blow-job?" Ron said stupidly, looking around.  
  
Remus smacked his forehead.  
  
"Moving on!" Hermione said, swirling her glass. "I've never. had sexual fantasies about Snape."  
  
"Damn!" Snape muttered, taking a drink.  
  
"Ron!" Hermione cried, aghast. Ron was taking a small sip, looking red.  
  
"It was during potions! During our N.E.W.T.s! I had just taken that 'brain- boosting' powder Seamus gave me-"  
  
"Oh, that stuff?" Seamus blurted out. "That was a joke, mate,"  
  
"I should say so," Ron said icily, "I got a 'T' on it!"  
  
"My turn!" Draco shouted out, spilling his drink. "And I've never fancied another Quidditch player,"  
  
"You haven't?" Ron said, sounding forlorn.  
  
"Well, obviously not - now, who drank?"  
  
Everybody raised their hand.  
  
"Well, how about, Potter!" he cried, and began to laugh maniacally.  
  
Harry pointed to Ginny.  
  
"She was the Quidditch player you fancied? Aw, that's no fun-" Draco pointed to Hermione. "You!"  
  
Hermione pointed to Harry.  
  
Draco pointed to Cho. She pointed to Harry. Draco pointed to Ron. He pointed to Harry.  
  
"Do none of you have dark and twisted secrets?" Draco spluttered. "You!" he shoved his finger towards Snape.  
  
Snape pointed to Harry.  
  
"Well, I think you're done," George said, rubbing his hands together. "And my I've never is. I've never used a broom."  
  
"Yes you have," Fred said. "We've all seen you on it."  
  
"No, no, no, that's not what I meant," George said, exhasperated. "I've never used. Used, as in 'used', a broom." And he waggled his eyebrows.  
  
"Ah," Fred said, wiggling his eyebrows and taking a sip. Along with everyone but Ginny.  
  
"You people are sick!" Ginny cried, staring especially at Harry who was hurriedly whispering with Ron.  
  
~*~  
  
Will we ever find out what happened in Snape's office? Does Dracos father pick up on he-shes? What was it that Draco said to Hermione to make her fantasize about him? Find out maybe one of these answers, if you're lucky, in the next installment of 'I've Never'! Along with a lot of other fun, immoral, degrading goodness! That is, if I feel like updating again. *cough* reviews help me update faster! *cough*  
  
I remember that 'Skidamarinky dinky dink' thingy from when I was little. I barely remember it. but where ever I go, whatever school I am in, if I shout out 'Skidamarinky dinky dink! Skidamarinky doo!" Everyone else will shout back at me, 'I! Love! You!" . If you've seen the show (which I haven't seen since I was like five) then you understand.  
  
Tell me what you want the "I've Never"s to be! I need ideas! Tell me what you think is funny, what you think was utterly stupid (I don't want to make the same mistake twice) and what you want more of! 


End file.
